In The Flow Coaching

I love lists. And the book, 8 Ways To Great: Peak Performance on the Job and In Your Life, by Dr. Doug Hirschhorn, is my favorite kind of list: what successful people do to stand out from the crowd.

Dr. Doug, as he is known among the Wall Street elite, offers no earth-shaking surprises in his eight core peak performance principles. But that’s not the point. Because, for the most part, we know what to do to achieve excellence, just like we know what to do to lose weight. What we need is a shift in perspective that will galvanize us into action.

From abstract to concrete. What a relief to find that, unlike plenty of other self-help books, this one is free of glib platitudes. Dr. Doug makes every point with precision and backs it up with specific examples and illustrations so you understand exactly what he means.

Principle #1, for example, is “Find your why.” Now that could be kind of daunting if you’re thinking you have to come up with some grandiose mission statement for your life. But with examples like: “I’m a marketing executive because I get a kick out of figuring out how to influence people to buy,” you get it: it’s about articulating what’s meaningful to you in a down-to-earth kind of way.

Flipping your perspective. I read fast and I know I’ve hit gold when I hear the figurative screeching of tires in my head. With Principle #2: Get to know yourself, Dr. Doug reassures us that we don’t have to change who we are. We just have to develop greater self-awareness of our strengths and weaknesses. Then he throws in a subtle twist: get a grip on how your strengths can be potential weaknesses, and vice versa – the ability to remain calm, for example, becomes a liability when we don’t communicate the urgency of a situation.

This to me is the mark of a “self-help” book that is truly helpful. It presents what you may already know with a fresh, often subtle spin. And this time, you really “get” it.

For example: winning is not everything, I know that. As a performance coach myself, I’ve always advised my clients to “love the process” (Principle #3). And yet, in reading this book, I realized that I hadn’t fully understood the profound truth in committing to “measure success in terms of how well you performed, not only the outcome.” The greatest traders and athletes would rather play their best and lose rather than make stupid mistakes and win. Any attachment to the outcome will, paradoxically, keep us from achieving Principle #5: “Be all that you can be.”

Dr. Doug writes with such credibility and authority – earned from working with thousands of trading professionals at financial institutions and hedge funds around the world – it melts any resistance to accepting the truth of what he says. Oh, so I can stop waiting for the perfect moment before making a decision? (Yes, Principle #7: Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.).

Keeping it real. Still, all of this advice-giving would be kind of dry if Dr. Doug didn’t weave in plenty of colorful anecdotes and stories to drive home his point. There’s the one about the multi-millionaire client who could afford to lose $150,000 in a trade but couldn’t bear the idea of throwing $600 in the East River if he didn’t follow his game plan – and so, stayed accountable (Principle #8). Or the client who called in a panic because he was literally losing millions in one of the crashes of 2009. Without coddling – “If you want a hug, call your mother” – Dr. Doug sent him back to the trenches to look for the opportunity emerging among the chaos (and the client thanked him later).

Anyone looking to step up their game needs to read this book. Take notes, do the exercises and keep it handy so you can refer back to it regularly. Do that, and you can’t help but become great.

Tweet This Post

Often, what keeps us from getting in the flow is a mismatch between the challenge of an activity and our ability. Either the challenge is too great and we feel anxious; or not stimulating enough, and we are bored. The trick is to find a way to raise or decrease the challenge to better correspond to our ability.

Watch how Tony Lepore, the “Dancing Cop,” does it.

Tweet This Post

“Lose 10 pounds in 10 days — without diet or exercise!” “Win the lottery, live a life of ease!” “Click here to meet the man of your dreams!

Poof! Just like that, we’re rich, thin, in love and, presumably, happy. Except we’re not. And yet, each time we fall for – or are at least tempted by — the lure of the quick fix because we want to believe that we can have it all, instantly, without breaking a sweat.

Why We Avoid Effort
Just like Charlie Brown believing that, this time, Lucy will hold the football so he can kick it, you’d think we’d know better by now. So why are we so attached to the illusion of gliding through life, no effort required?

Well, for one, changing the status quo means we have to leave the familiar comfort of inertia. We have to acknowledge that there is no quick fix and whatever we want to achieve is going to require time and energy.

Next, there’s the discomfort of uncertainty: the nature of effort requires that we persist without a guarantee of success or that we’ll even get the result we’re striving for. We might even, ugh, make mistakes. Not committing full effort provides a handy fall back: “Well, I could have done it if I had really been trying.”

Then there are those who believe in the power of talent — that you either have natural ability or you don’t and there’s not much point in making an effort if you’re not naturally gifted.

Finally, effort is not glamorous; typically, it involves mundane repetition and attention to detail. And in our highly automated, consumerist culture, where the media depicts models looking vaguely bored and above it all, it’s simply not cool to look like you’re trying that hard.

Why Effort Is Worth It
Before you settle back into the couch with your remote though, let me point out a few things that make effort worthwhile.

Effort gives life meaning. In her book, Mindset: The Psychology of Success, psychologist Carol Dweck says: “Effort means you care about something, that something is important to you and you are willing to work for it. It would be an impoverished existence if you were not willing to value things and commit yourself to working toward them.”

Effort forges connection. That’s what Boing Boing founder Mark Frauenfelder and his family thought. Suffering post dot-com bubble burnout, they set out to cut through the absurd chaos of materialistic modern life and find a path that was simple, direct, and clear. In his book Made by Hand: Searching for Meaning in a Throwaway World, Frauenfelder tells the story of keeping chickens in his own remote-controlled chicken coop, making a guitar out of a cigar box and keeping his own bees. The reward for their self-induced labors? Greater perceived value and lasting enjoyment.

Effort is more important than talent. Benjamin Barber, an eminent sociologist, once said: “I don’t divide the world into the weak and the strong, or the successes and the failures…I divide the world into the learners and nonlearners.” A growth mindset – the commitment to stretching beyond where you currently are — is, in fact, what matters more than natural ability, says Daniel Coyle, author of The Talent Code. It’s what drives desire and creates “the energy that fuels the engine of skill acquisition.”

Effort is essential for mastery. Despite our cultural bias toward instant gratification, there’s no way to reach a high level of excellence — in anything — without hours of effort. Want an exact number? In his latest book Outliers: The Story of Success, Malcolm Gladwell says that “10,000 hours of practice is required to achieve the level of mastery associated with being a world-class expert. In study after study, of composers, basketball players, fiction writers, ice skaters, concert pianists, chess players, master criminals, and what have you, this number comes up again and again.”

Effort leads to flow. Although a state of flow is often associated with a feeling of effortlessness, initially it requires focused effort to get there. Once in the flow, you can enjoy an activity for its own sake, not the external rewards it might bring. Daniel Chambliss, author of Champions: The Making of Olympic Swimmers, notes: “The very features of the sport that the “C” swimmer finds unpleasant, the top-level swimmer enjoys. What others see as boring-swimming back and forth over a black line for two hours, say-they find peaceful, even meditative, often challenging, or therapeutic.”

Growth, mastery and meaning: Sounds to me like an excellent return on investment.

Tweet This Post

Imagination is like a muscle: if we exercise it, it will grow more powerful and agile. Being imaginative, however, is not just about being artistic or creative – it’s having the ability to see alternative possibilities beyond the current “reality” or what’s immediately apparent.

Actually, we all already have pretty lively imaginations. How often do we tell ourselves, or allow someone to convince us, that something is not possible? There’s no lack of creativity, it seems, when it comes to making excuses why we can’t do something.

No question, it’s difficult to resist years of conditioning, peer pressure and our immediate environment. Studies show that people’s bodies deteriorate as they get older not so much because of actual loss of capability but because they see their peers aging and complaining about their aches and pains.

Some people, however, are able to imagine a dramatic alternative. Take Sister Madonna Buder, for example. A 78-year-old Catholic nun, she has competed in 37 marathons, 300 triathlons and 31 Ironman Triathlons, all after the age of 50. Apparently, she didn’t get the “you’re too old to do that” memo.

So, how do you develop your imagination? By feeding your mind as regularly as you do your body. Just as advances in biotech and agriculture have provided us with a greater range of nutrition options – both natural and artificial – thanks to the Internet, we also have unprecedented access to information and opinions, both negative and positive. Used judiciously, you can find a wealth of material to fuel your goals and expand your belief of what’s possible.

Here are three ways to start:
1.     Activate your antenna. Be on the lookout for role models and examples for what’s possible. Reading a magazine, I ran across an ad for Keen shoes featuring Jessie Stone, a medical doctor who went to Africa to participate in an extreme kayaking competition; shocked by the malaria outbreaks she saw there, she now lives in Uganda and splits her time between kayak training and teaching malaria prevention. That led me to the Hybrid Lives community spotlighting dozens of people pursuing their dreams with inspiring and unconventional lives. Hey, you can join too.

2.     Watch what you put in your mind. At the same time, be vigilant about your information intake. Just like eating junk food, the effects of regular gossip sessions with friends or constant negativity will insidiously seep into your consciousness and contribute to – how far I can take this analogy? – flabby energy. (Tell me that watching the catty back-biting on some of those reality TV shows doesn’t feel pretty much the same as scarfing down a bag of Cheetos.)

3.     Stray from the beaten path. Most of us have a prescribed routine for what we eat, wear, read and watch. Why not develop the habit of exposing yourself to new influences on a regular basis: buy a magazine you’ve never read before, check out a provocative lecture at your local museum or author reading at the local book store, download TED talks by the most brilliant and innovative people in the world, branch out from your usual movie genre or even just take a different route to work. The only adventure sport I practice these days is jumping on the subway as the doors are closing but I pore over National Geographic Adventure magazine’s annual Best Trips list and start dreaming about the vast possibilities for exotic travel.

Creating an exceptional life starts with an active imagination: just as you nourish your body on a daily basis, feed your mind a steady diet of new ideas and inspiration, and you’ll learn to think differently – and bigger.

Tweet This Post

Looking For A Competitive Edge?

I’d like to help: I’ve taken all the techniques and insights I’ve gained from years of studying peak performance, and designed a workshop to help you reinvigorate your goals, jumpstart your motivation and make 2010 your best year yet.

Here are a few things you’ll learn:
·    The #1 obstacle that is keeping you from achieving your goals and how to overcome it
·     The few simple changes you can make in your daily routine to reduce stress and increase energy
·    Why you don’t have to beat yourself up for not having enough willpower, and the subtle mental shift that will increase your discipline
·    The technique guaranteed to shorten your time from procrastination to action
·    Do positive affirmations work for you? If not, I’ll show you what I do instead.
·    Would you like to know the one crucial habit that will help your life go more smoothly? (It’s just as, if not more, important than advance planning – and most people skip it.)
·    How to minimize the top-three time-wasters and free up pockets of time (and still watch TV if you want to!)

DATE: Wednesday, February 24, 2010
TIME: 7:00 – 8:30 PM
PLACE: In Good Company Workplaces, 16 W. 23rd Street, 4th floor (New York, NY)
INVEST: $35 ($30 if you sign up with a friend)
REGISTER: http://shiftintohighgear.eventbrite.com/

Tweet This Post

As the offspring of a Swedish-German father and Korean mother, I’ve always been interested in the idea of “hybrid vigor,” something farmers have long experimented with in plants and animals.

In “Is It Better To Be Mixed Race?” Aarathi Prasad, a geneticist and mother of a mixed race child, sets out to challenge the ideas of racial purity and examines provocative claims that there are, in fact, biological advantages to being mixed race.

Tweet This Post

When I heard that Michael Jackson had died, my reflex reaction was: “It’s just as well, he wasn’t happy.” I have no way of knowing that, of course (he never confided in me at the Oscars) but the parade of lawsuits, media drama and plastic surgery didn’t seem to me like the hallmark of a contented life.

What’s more, continuing my presumptuous speculation about Michael’s emotional state, I’d bet that he was happiest when he could lose himself in the simple joy of dancing.

Which brings me to the point of this seemingly gratuitous celebrity reference: It’s the ability to achieve the state of total absorption in the moment, or “flow” – not wealth, talent or millions of admirers – that is one of the keys to happiness.

We all experience flow from time to time. The question is: how do you get into flow on a regular basis, even during the more mundane aspects of life? In his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi identifies one of the key factors of flow as a balance between level of ability and challenge. If a task is too easy, it’s difficult to get engaged; if it’s too hard, you’re likely to be discouraged and give up. You need to be like Goldilocks and find just the right level of challenge.

Let’s try a food analogy. Life is like a stress sandwich, says Charles Raison, MD: “The bottom and top piece of bread are “bad stress.” The bottom piece of bread is the bad stress that comes from living too dull and routine a life (yes, being bored is itself a powerful stressor). The top piece of bread we might call “being overwhelmed”-this is the stress that comes from feeling like life is asking more from us than our emotions can handle.”

The trick is to achieve positive stress – the “meat” in between – by calibrating each situation for optimal challenge. Here’s what I mean:

1. Seek out novelty. Bored with the same old, same old? Before you quit your job, divorce your spouse or move to a different country, introduce change on a smaller scale. Discover a new author, teach yourself to draw cartoons (there’s a kit at Barnes & Noble) or try a different recipe. Don’t underestimate the power of spending even 20 minutes a day in an activity you enjoy simply for its own sake to reinvigorate the rest of your routine.

2. Take risks. In writing his latest book Absinthe and Flamethrowers: Projects and Ruminations on the Art of Living Dangerously, William Gurstelle noted (and studies show) that people who take just a few more risks than average, tend to be more satisfied with their lives and more fulfilled. You don’t, however, have to risk your life driving 120 mph on the Autobahn or eating the world’s hottest pepper, as Gurstelle suggests. It’s enough to stay within spitting distance of your comfort zone: present a provocative viewpoint in a meeting, brave the extra attention of wearing a colorful outfit, or move to the front row of the kickboxing class.

3. One bite at a time. Overwhelm happens when we’re focused more on the sheer volume or difficulty of what’s before us, rather than deciding the next action. You don’t try and fit a whole Subway Footlong sandwich in your mouth, do you? (Another sandwich analogy!) You size it up and decide where to take that first bite. Same approach works with even the most daunting project. Figure out the smallest action you can comfortably take, and focus on that. Repeat as needed.

4. Know your skill level. Matt Koppenheffer, columnist at The Motley Fool, notes how matching challenge and ability can help you enjoy the process of investing: You need to “have a sense of your skill level as an investor and match that to the companies you try to tackle. For example, a beginning investor is likely to get overwhelmed trying to nail down all the intricacies of Goldman Sachs and its black-box operating model. Trying to analyze a more straightforward company like Coca-Cola may be more likely to induce flow for that investor.” The same concept applies whether you’re learning a language, having a dinner party or starting a business.

If you can use creativity and resourcefulness to continuously tweak the degree of challenge, either up or down, your life will become more interesting, manageable and, dare I say, happier.

Tweet This Post

Lately, I’ve been thinking about rhythm.

Brimming over with ideas for work projects and collaboration, I tend to get impatient with the relaxed pace of August in New York, when everyone’s on vacation and business slows down.

At the same time, I’ve been learning about jazz improvisation from a flutist friend (daunting for a classical musician used to having every note and tempo marking spelled out by the composer). As a newcomer to jazz, I started off playing awkward and amateurish rhythmic patterns with the chords of the tune and yet, whatever I played, my friend was able to freely improvise around it, alternating between long, sustained melodies and more elaborate, filigree passages.

Which got me thinking: what if we had a similar approach to our daily routine, taking the different rhythms that occur — in our conversations, our work flow, the economy, even – and improvising around them rather than resisting or being dictated by them?

Here are a few ways I do it:
• Breathe deeper. Yeah, that ol’ chestnut. But your breath is one of the few rhythms you can control – and conscious attention to deeply inhaling and exhaling can provide powerful counterpoint to a day that feels rushed and frantic.

• Pause more. Have you ever been in conversation with someone who speaks at an uncomfortably fast pace? If it’s causing you to feel breathless and frazzled, don’t feel obligated to keep up the same pace – make a conscious effort to respond at a more comfortable speed and pause an extra beat or two before and after you make a point. As music-lovers know, a well-timed silence or syncopated rhythm can be just as tantalizing as a beautiful harmony.

• Oscillate between stress and recovery. Too often we take a linear approach to work, thinking the more effort we expend, the better the result. In their Harvard Business Review article “The Making of a Corporate Athlete,” authors Jim Loehr and Tony Schwarz point out that, actually, we best maximize our energy levels when we allow rhythmic movement, or oscillation, between energy expenditure (stress) and energy renewal (recovery). “The real enemy of high performance is not stress, which, paradoxical as it may seem, is the stimulus for growth. The problem is the absence of disciplined intermittent recovery.” Weight-training is a prime example of this: first, the muscle is stressed to the point where the fibers literally break down. With one or two days of recovery, the muscle not only heals but comes back stronger. Your energy “muscle” works the same way.

Breathing, pausing, oscillating — whatever the underlying beat of a situation, there’s always a way to improvise your own groove.

Tweet This Post

At my recent lecture at the Mid-Manhattan Library on developing resilience and recovery muscles, one of the members in the audience noted that she always seemed to gloss over the positive things that happened in her life and home in on the negative.

Others nodded their heads in vigorous agreement and with the constant parade of books on positive thinking out there, clearly, she is not the only one having trouble. But why is that – why does the default for our attention tend to be on the negative, not the positive?

I had been ascribing our fascination with the negative to cultural conditioning but it turns out an interesting explanation lies with our biology and Darwin. In her book review of Rapt, by Winifred Gallagher, Laura Miller at Salon Magazine writes:

“Attention is the faculty by which the mind selects and then zeroes in on the most “salient” aspect of any situation. The problem is that the brain is not a unified whole, but a collection of “systems” that often come into conflict with each other. When that happens, the more primitive, stimulus-driven, unconscious systems (the “reactive” and “behavioral” components of our brains) will usually override the consciously controlled “reflective” mind.”

Back in our cavemen days, it was threats that had the greatest salience: The happy-go-lucky individual who didn’t notice the big furry creature coming up behind him while he was picking berries from the bush may have been less anxious but he also had a shorter life span. Those who spotted and eluded dangers tended to survive and pass on their traits to future generations. As a result, we inherited from our distant ancestors the tendency to pay greater attention to the unpleasant and troublesome elements of our surroundings. In modern times, however, the “threats” are more likely to be a nasty email exchange with a co-worker rather than a charging saber-toothed tiger.

So, if focusing on the unpleasant and troublesome is no longer crucial to our daily survival, how do we recondition our minds not to react each time the primitive part of our brain calls out: “Look, a saber-toothed email!”

1. Do an attention spot-check. The first step is to simply become more aware of where your attention is. During the day, there is any number of physical, emotional, mental or environmental details you could focus on and if you don’t give it some direction, your mind will go on auto-pilot. Just because you’re thinking about it doesn’t mean it deserves your attention. When you catch yourself dreading the tedious conference call you have later this afternoon, ask yourself, “Is this a saber-toothed tiger?” Now, what else could you focus on?

2. Find a role model (or three). It’s easier to change your thinking patterns when you have someone to emulate. Actively look for and identify people in your life who don’t complain — who know how to put a positive spin on a situation and make it more appealing or less daunting, without being Pollyanna. Study and imitate them. (It may feel unnatural at first. Remember you’re going against your natural biology.)

3. Stay in the emotional vicinity. Sometimes, trying to “think positive” can make us feel worse. That’s because you can’t go too far, emotionally speaking, from where you’re at: if you’re feeling utterly dejected, you won’t be able to feel exhilarated just because you repeat ad nauseum “Life is great.” As Abraham-Hicks explains in Ask and It Is Given, it’s better to take an incremental approach in choosing thoughts that help to improve your feeling. Let’s say you’re discouraged about your efforts to lose weight. Rather than making a statement like “I feel good about my body,” which you don’t actually believe, start with more general statements that you can resonate with and go from there: “For the most part, my body is doing all right.” Or “I know there are others who have been where I now am who have found a way that works for them.”

4. Leverage your natural curiosity. Noah St. John, author of The Secret Code of Success, tells how, after years of repeating affirmations such as “I am happy, healthy and wealthy” with no results, he had a revelation. The human mind is always in the process of asking and seeking the answers to questions. Too often, though, we’re asking the wrong questions: “Why did this happen to me?” “Why doesn’t anything ever go right?”

Your brain has an “automatic search function” that will seek out answers anyway, says St. John, why not ask the questions you really want answers to, such as: “Why do I feel so happy?” “Why do I have so much energy?” “Why do things go so well for me?” (Again, it may feel a little unnatural at first, but watch how your mind, like one of Pavlov’s dogs, trots off obediently to look for answers.)

Much like our appendix, negativity has become a vestigial appendage that has no valuable function in modern survival. In fact, a growing number of research studies show that those who are optimistic about life live longer and healthier than those who are pessimistic. The rules of survival have changed.

Tweet This Post

Resilience — the ability to recover quickly from a misfortune, mis-step or change – is the critical difference between winners and everyone else. Whether an event was or wasn’t under your control, endless venting and rehashing are a waste of time and mental energy.

In this lecture open to the public, I’ll explain why setbacks and disappointments don’t have to derail productivity and morale. Learn practical tips and techniques to create your own personal resiliency strategy so you can hit the re-set button and quickly regain your balance to:

* be pro-active, rather than reactive
* reinforce and increase your self-confidence
* escape the mental merry-go-round and outsmart your ego
* minimize time spent in regret and self-flagellation

DATE: Wednesday, July 8, 2009
TIME: 6:30 pm EST
PLACE: Mid-Manhattan Library, 40th Street and Fifth Avenue (6th Floor), New York, NY
COST: Free

Tweet This Post